I made a decision about a week ago that I am going to hold off on writing The Legion for the time being. It’s not that I’ve lost interest – I most definitely have not – but this other story, my own story, keeps popping up in my head. So I’m dusting off my old pilot script that I wrote a few years ago and going crazy with it.
It’s a frightening and very personal choice, rooted firmly in a desire to be vulnerable again. I tend to use honesty about my past experiences and my personality as a defense mechanism, kind of like how Tyrion uses his identity as The Imp as armor: “it can never be used against you.” But there’s no vulnerability there, and as a creative, I have to allow myself to be unguarded, to let people see how certain events have shaped who I am today.
The exercise is therapy, really. I started to write this particular project a few years ago but had to stop when my emotions got too raw. It’s not that I don’t still suffer PTSD episodes – because I do – but I’m farther away from the actual events that inspired this story, making it easier … in some ways. I just reached a scene that nearly started a panic attack, but once I took a few minutes to breathe, it’s like the part of my lizard brain that likes to just respond to things finally realized, “Oh, this isn’t actually happening again? Cool, cool.” She doesn’t always respond that way, even when I provide reasonable explanations for why I’m writing what I am, so this was a nice change.
Anyway, I’ll be posting little updates as to my progress and even some special “on rotation …” entries, and I might even set up a page here for the project. I’m not 100% sold on that until I get some actual content, but we’ll see how I feel about it in a couple of months. Oh! And I might actually also start a Go Fund Me or Indie Gogo, too, so be on the lookout for that announcement.
Sigh, well, back to finishing up this treatment. A writer’s work is never done.