I’m both dreading and excitedly anticipating this year’s NaNoWriMo – or National Novel Writing Month, for the blissfully uninitiated (I sometimes wish I were you) – because … well, it’s the thing I do every year. I think I’ve “won” a grand total of twice – and now that I’ve gone back to my writer dashboard, it’s actually only once all the way back in 2011 – and the other years have seen me start with a bang and then peter out by like the end of the first week. Sure, I have good excuses like work, need of sleep, emergencies, Thanksgiving, etc., but not this year, sir. Not. This. Year.
Today, I signed paperwork that will be filed sometime next month with the Jefferson County court, granting me a divorce from a man who spent five years breaking me down into a shell of a person. I arrived late at my lawyer’s office – due in equal parts to me, traffic, and rain – and scribbled my married signature for what is probably the last time. I smiled happily as the paralegal told me that the court date would be either the 1st or the 8th and then got in my car to head back to my apartment.
The weirdest part? I didn’t feel anything. No actual happiness, no sadness, no existential dread … just, “well, okay then.” Maybe it’s because the divorce isn’t final yet; a judge still has to grant the damned thing. I’m in that strange limbo where I have to wait (and lord knows I’m great at waiting). Hell, I don’t even have to be there when it happens. I’ll get a call from the earlier-mentioned paralegal to let me know they’ll be sending me some papers that will legally allow me to go do a shitload more of paperwork to change my name. And move on with my life.
I don’t even really know what that means exactly? I’ve been separated from the ex since April 2016, and I’ve gradually been forging my own path apart from him since then. It’s been rocky (at best, really) and terrifying and depressing, and now I’m just … here. Waiting.
So I figured that I’d just start with a brand new blog. I mean, it’s not a lot, but it’s something. It will keep my hands and brain busy, and it gives me something to look forward to, I suppose. I’m going to leave the other one up for a bit, at least until I can transfer some things over here, and honestly, that is going to be trying. A lot of the artwork and posts involve the ex, and even the happy posts have a lot of negative memories attached to them. I think it’ll be good to go through it, though – a reminder of where I’ve come from, of how far I’ve managed to go, and of the infinite possibilities that lie ahead of me.
See, look at me being all positive and shit.
(OH! And before I go, I’m going to do challenges again! The first one is coming at your face in November! Exclamation points!!)