in which I reflect …

You know how I said I was reevaluating? Well, that particular mode of thinking has continued to take up residency in my brain, which led me to a bit of a Twitter storm of despair. I mean, it was only a few tweets in length, but the basic gist was that I have realized why none of the stories I’ve started writing have resonated with me: they’re about war. Hell, even my attempts at writing horror became about fighting this epic battle, and y’all, I’m just tired.

I never really realized how much of what I consumed was about war: Buffy, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, Saga, anything Marvel/DC, Surf Ninjas … the list goes on. And during a large portion of my life, I’ve lived in a world where people are constantly in conflict, be it militarily, politically, or whatever … it’s just all the damn time, and I don’t want to add to that, no matter how much I love the characters I’ve created. It’s left me in this sort of existential place: who do I want to be as a creator? Does this mean that I’m not ever going to be considered “prestige” or a “real author?” How do I write what I’m wanting to write without it suddenly turning into a war epic? Will I ever see my characters again in my work? What happens after I write what I want to write?

Where in the hell do I start?

So I’m resurrecting Jill & Abby, a script I’ve been playing with off and on since … god, has it been since 2019? It has all of the elements – save the backdrop of war – of almost every single one of my other stories, and it’s also a bit of therapy for me, letting go of a lot of my past that no longer serves me. I’m not sure what will happen once I finish the scripts (I’m looking at about 10 for the first season?), but I need to get it out of me. Maybe then, I’ll be able to really focus on creating stories where people help each other heal and grow.

But I’m not just worried about one aspect of my artistic practices. I’ve been doing a lot more visual art lately – most of which I’m proud of – and I want to do more. Currently, I’m looking for equipment to start doing videos of my artistic process, with the plan to release one video a week – maybe eventually a livestream if I feel like it, but the likelihood of that happening is fairly slim – in an effort to give myself a reason to draw and paint regularly. I don’t want to lose this momentum I’ve got going for me, so … you’ll be seeing quite a bit more from me, even with nursing school taking up a pretty big chunk of my time.

I’m also looking for equipment to start doing videos of my artistic process. Like I’ve said at least a couple of times, I really need to start creating for me, but I want to give myself a reason to do it regularly. The plan is to put out a video once a week and maybe eventually do a livestream if I feel like it.

I’ll be making some changes to my site over the next couple of days, so if you pop on over here and things look different, well … you’ll know why. As a matter of fact, I’m going to get right on that!

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