a little more juju

Until my mid-thirties, I didn’t realize I’d been raised evangelical Christian. Yeah, it was a weird time for me for multiple reasons, but I digress. Over the past several years, I’ve been deconstructing, which has been both incredibly embarrassing but also empowering, but mostly on the side of the former because like … I actually believed in the majority of things I was taught. Because despite the fact that Christians believe in free will, they don’t allow it in their children; oh, no, they begin grooming them to be the next oppressors from the time the kids open their eyes.

Even though there are plenty of examples that I could use from my experience within the evangelical arm of the Presbyterian church, I’m going to focus on one that has recently been in the news: how slavery was good for Black people. I cannot tell you how many times my racist grandmother told me that the Lord brought the slaves to the greatest country in the world so they could learn about the gospel of Christ – or else they would have perished in hell because that’s things work in her mind apparently – and how they were delivered from their barbaric ways to join civilization.

As much as it infuriates me now, I ate that shit up with just as much fervor. We helped people! We saved their souls! We taught them modern ways! There were bad owners, sure, but the majority of them treated their slaves well! Why can’t Black people just get over it; their lives are so much better than they would have been if they’d stayed in Africa!

Even just typing it out brings the cringey feeling crawling up my spine, but I honestly agreed with it. Or … well, it’s more complicated than just agreeing with it. When you’re raised in a particular environment, it’s just part of you, something you don’t question or think about other than to parrot back what you’ve been told. Bonus points if you use your experience questioning what you’ve been told as a personal ministry as to how good God is to you for bringing you back into the fold. It’s this indoctrination that prevents growth and truly does foster a type of belief system that welcomes Nazi ideals.

Better people than me have been documenting the rise of Christian nationalism, but here’s my two cents: it begins young and stays with you for a long time. Sure, you may have doubts at an early age like I did, but if you’re sequestered from society because other people’s experiences can cause damage to your “training,” you’re already set back significantly. It’s why charter schools and homeschooling and private schools are becoming even more of a major thing for Christians and why the Christian right is pushing this obnoxious “anti-woke” movement in public education. It provides mindless followers that will back their leaders no matter what, so long as those leaders feed their fears (that are most often based on ignorance).

For me, Christianity is a death cult, so focused on creating a world in which Jesus returns after the reduction of the Earth into a literal hellscape that they are willing to destroy the actual world to match their ideology, which is entirely fear-based: fear of God, fear of Hell, fear of others that don’t agree with their stances.

It’s this world in which I was brought up and it’s the world I thought I escaped. But now it’s seeping back into my life in insidious ways. Ways that aren’t necessarily easy to see if you weren’t already aware of them: trying to paint slavery in a positive light is one of them.