I feel like my kidney stone became a part of my personality about three months into dealing with her. People would ask me how I was and would often include, “is Karen still with us?” Anytime someone would ask me to go somewhere with them, I’d be like, “well, I hurt a lot so I can’t, but maybe when this stupid thing leaves my body?” It was hard not making it a major talking point in almost all of my conversations.

And now she’s gone. Tuesday morning was her official eviction.

Don’t get me wrong; I am absolutely thrilled that I no longer have an 11-mm stone living inside my kidney. But y’all. I am in pain.

Even though I may be smiling in this picture, the words on my shirt – “EVERYTHING HURTS AND I’M DYING” – are pretty accurate as to how I feel.

Because oh my god, am I hurting.

The surgery itself went perfectly. Karen was a fairly soft stone, so she wasn’t too difficult to remove in the long run, but due to her sheer size, it meant there was a lot of trauma done to my urinary tract, from the kidney itself and all the way to the urethra. The ultimate result from this trauma is the most pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life, including my second- and third-degree burns from 2007. It’s not just the dull, forever pain; it’s the sharp, stabbing pain from when my ureter gets blocked by a blood clot, or it’s the deep, overwhelming ache that comes after every time I finish urinating. I also have a stent in to prevent any edema blocking urine output, which also has the unpleasant effect of making me feel like I have to pee every single second of the day. Oh, and and! They had to stick an endotracheal tube down my throat while I was under anesthesia, so I have that lovely bit of soreness, too.

Like … I know this is a temporary set of circumstances and that the procedure was 100% worth it, but there’s this teeny, tiny part of myself that wonders, “just how bad could it have gotten if I’d just let her … stay?”

Bad. All bad. We’re talking infection/sepsis, possible kidney failure, perpetual UTIs … so yes, even though I’m miserable right now, I’m glad I finally got this taken care of. I will gladly sit here and take my tramadol as I recover, and in about a week? Well, ja girl is going to join the kidney-stone-free people of this world.

God, what will that be like??